The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
