can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
