I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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