Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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