please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
