Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
