I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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