if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
