How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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