I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize