did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
