Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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