Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
