It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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