If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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