Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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