good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
