pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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