No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
