We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
