He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
