Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
