I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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