so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
