here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
