I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize