Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
