already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
