??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize