shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
