she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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