i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
