I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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