I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
