when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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