There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
