Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
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Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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