We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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