Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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