why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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