is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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