We're like a lot better than the average bears
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
