My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
