if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I deserve this hangover.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
