So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
