Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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