So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
