What a fucking waste of an outfit
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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