dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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