There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
