If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
