Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The Olympian is in my bed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
