her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
