How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
