My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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