"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
