I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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