You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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