I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
