My room smells like vodka and shame
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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