It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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