Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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